Divorce – before, during and after

Развод – до, во время и после
Family lawyer in Ukraine
Skryabin Alexey Nikolaevich
Skryabin Alexey Nikolaevich
Doctor of Law
Hello! In the article "Divorce - before, during and after" on the websiterozluchennya-onlain.com.ua I will tell you about the psychological state before, during and after a divorce, what a pre-divorce state is, what to do when the divorce process has already begun and how to find yourself after a divorce.

Divorce – before, during and after

Most couples are terrified of the word “divorce”, and this is not surprising. No matter what happens, you have a lot in common. You still have a whole bunch of feelings for each other, emotional attachment, a habit, and cutting off half of your life in one fell swoop is really scary.

Divorce is stressful. Everyone, entering into marriage, is sure that this is for life and to cancel the decision means betraying oneself, signing one’s own insolvency.

In addition, society’s attitude towards divorcing couples is very ambiguous, and many fears are the result of outdated prejudices. So how do you figure out your own feelings and understand whether it is really necessary to leave or whether you can save your family?

Pre-divorced state – what is it?

From the press and television series, we know that there are marriages of convenience, fictitious marriages concluded for a certain period, but ordinary people, of whom the vast majority, marry for love, sincerely believing that they will be together to the grave, and rightly so!

Vivid feelings, time spent together – a source of common memories that unite, provide the basis for further relationships. But if one day your paths began to diverge, what should you do?

The decision to divorce does not come suddenly. The thought begins to visit in response to irritation, discontent, but along with it, doubts also appear – is it necessary to make such a cardinal decision? Maybe things will get better, it’s worth waiting a bit?

Here he apologizes for his behavior, promises to change, gives gifts, even offered to go to psycho-training on family relations, which means that soon everything will be as before! Unfortunately, in most cases, hopes for an improvement in relations are not justified.

To change yourself, your life, you need to make an effort, but not everyone is ready for this. Often a man who is threatened with a divorce apologizes, sees that they are forgiving, and concludes for himself that the wife herself is afraid of losing him and will never decide on a divorce, which means that you can be a little good boy, and then again live as he sees fit.

Therefore, if the years go by, and the situation “everyone, we are getting divorced” is repeated over and over again without its logical conclusion, it is worth considering, but how much weather can we expect by the sea?

Take a sober look at the situation: here is a delinquent husband who gives flowers and is ready to fulfill any desire. Suggest going to a family psychologist to sort out the relationship. He agrees? Excellent! And when? Oh, now there is no time / money / a good specialist, somehow later.

Conclusion – a man does not want to change anything at all, he is quite satisfied with the current state of affairs, and you? If not, it’s time for a real final warning. It can be with a reference to the situation “once again you don’t spend the night at home – we are filing for a divorce”, or with the definition of the term “you won’t stop drinking in six months, we part”, but the consequences are bound to come.

The process has begun – what’s next?

Divorce is not a quick matter, even if you do not have children and property disputes. If there is, you will have to go to court, and this is a month to schedule a preliminary hearing, then the judge can give up to three months “to reconcile the parties.”

But even after the decision to dissolve the marriage, you will become a free person only a month later – after it enters into force. That is, for almost half a year (and sometimes longer) you will be “in limbo”, and of course all friends and relatives will certainly consider it their duty to bring to your attention their point of view on your family problems.

And, of course, there will be those among them who will say “yes, you yourself are to blame,” although even without prompting from the outside, this thought will gnaw from the very beginning of the divorce process.

Looking for a reason why you can no longer live together is a thankless and hopeless task. The thought “because he was so good, was it really that I couldn’t keep track, or even gave rise to such negative changes in character” will lead to additional stress and nothing more.

Each of us, in addition to the family, communicates with a mass of other people and each one changes over time. It is not easy to say for better or for worse, but if as a result love has passed, then it happened and the situation must be taken for granted.

Of course, you can try to change your life, turn to a psychologist, but you have to be honest with yourself – is it necessary for both? Each of the spouses is making an effort to revive happiness, or are you the only one fighting like a fish on ice?

And it’s absolutely not worth blaming yourself if the reason for the divorce is assault or moral humiliation on the part of your spouse, here you are only to blame for not putting him out of the door right away.

Of course, it will be very useful to analyze mistakes, especially together with a professional psychologist, and draw conclusions in the future, but it’s absolutely not worth cherishing one’s guilt, and especially it’s not worth replacing constructive reflection with guilt, considering guilt as redemptive torment.

This is, in fact, a rather dangerous moment – you have to be a very whole person in order not to try to lay all the responsibility for what is happening on yourself, since such a desire is a natural defensive reaction of the psyche. It is the psychologist who will help direct this reaction, as well as the emotional intensity associated with it, in a constructive direction.

Most often, it is recommended to create a kind of psychological anchor, make a promise to yourself – stop tolerating aggression, stop sacrificing your feelings and desires to please others, etc.

Also, useful information on the website rozluchennya-onlain.com.ua of the family lawyer Skryabin Aleksey Nikolaevich for you can be: Services of a family psychologist, Services of an interpreter, Divorce with a Spaniard, Divorce with a Czech, File a divorce for citizens of Crimea, Apostille on documents, Apostille on a court decision about divorce.

Finding yourself

To survive a divorce without harming your own psyche, it does not hurt to use a few useful tips:

  • don’t be afraid to cry. If your soul is torn apart by bitterness, resentment, anger, tears will be the safest and most effective way to shed negative energy.
  • don’t try to live up to someone’s expectations, act like a “proper divorcee” or look for a reason for a divorce. Everything happened and everything is behind. Your goal is to become yourself, and for this you need to listen to your feelings, and not try to fight them.
  • do not rush to build new relationships. The psyche is under severe stress. Due to stress, you cannot think absolutely sensibly, give critical assessments of what is happening, you just do not want to see something that does not fit into your idea of ​​\u200b\u200bideal relationships, and as a result, most likely, you will “step on the same rake” again.

Give yourself time to adapt to the new reality and, of course, do not neglect the help of a psychologist. Friends and relatives, even sincerely trying to help, are very subjective, and a psychologist is an unbiased person who is able to look at the situation from the outside and, as a result, help you see events in a new light.

Therefore, if you feel at a dead end, seek the help of a professional and start life from scratch.

Contact our company rozluchennya-onlain.com.ua and our specialist with the help of special methodological techniques, family psychotherapy techniques will help you quickly and effectively solve your problem situation of any complexity in family relationships.

Family lawyer in Ukraine
Scriabina Daria Sergeevna
Scriabina Daria Sergeevna
PhD in Law
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