How to start and end a relationship?
Most often, people come to psychologists as a result of incorrectly completed relationships. And how many people roam the planet with a closed heart, an unhealed wound in the soul, who do not reach psychologists, only God knows.
The degree of psychological post-love trauma depends on the emotional intensity and duration of the relationship, as well as the reasons and order of their completion.
Healing mental pain is a long process, but it is a mistake to think that time will heal itself. Forgetting only drives the trauma deeper into the subconscious, reflecting on behavior, character and subsequent actions. Anger, aggression, cruelty, coldness, closeness are the possible consequences of love wounds.
In psychology, there is the concept of an incomplete gestalt. Gestalt is wholeness, completeness. Any incomplete action binds you to the process. Remember, an unfinished book, an unfinished movie, a piece of work left unfinished—thought keeps coming back to the unfinished, trying to bring you back to the process.
In relationships between people, the principle of completeness is based on the balance of action and reaction. You do something for a loved one – you get gratitude, you do work – you get recognition. The forms of reaction can be different – from simple joy to reciprocal action. It brings satisfaction and inspires new achievements.
But due to their own ignorance, based on emotional reactions, pride and simple misunderstanding, people often violate this balance. And the closer the relationship, the more such imperfections accumulate, connecting people with various negative emotions from resentment to hatred.
But the most interesting thing is that gestalt, in spite of everything, strives for completion, constantly returning a person to similar conditions in order to give him a chance to get out of the situation differently, in an adult way, by finding the right solution.
This is the same with badly ended love relationships. At the beginning of the story, a man and a woman, driven by an incredible attraction, sometimes forgetting about the real circumstances, inspiredly invest in each other. A man surrounds a woman with care and attention, a woman supports and inspires. Sweets, bouquets, confessions, emotions, sex – everything is filled with mutual bestowal and gratitude.
But at a certain point, when the brain of one or both is already anticipating the natural transition of the arisen love to the formation of a stable couple, the creation of a family and the birth of children, the process of weighing assets begins. And here reality rises with all its material certainty.
Social status, status, salary, age, the presence of former, and sometimes current wives, husbands, children – romanticism dissolves under the weight of pressing issues. And any inconsistency with the initial requirements for a permanent partner sharply reduces interest in a lover.
Some men prefer to just “get lost” at this moment, avoiding explanations. An incomplete gestalt is manifested in a woman by claims, questions, insistence and a desire to catch up and return.
Sometimes a woman, having found an insignificant reason, emotionally reacts: “come on, goodbye!” A man, not understanding the true reasons, also rushes to extremes, sometimes reaching a nervous breakdown.
Recently intimate people inflict trauma after trauma on each other, believing that the more violently they end up, the easier it will be for them. No, it will not! An incomplete gestalt is a connection between two. You will go through these situations again and again until you understand the important principles of balance.
Principles of maintaining balance in relationships
- Before starting a relationship, determine what it is for. Having an affair without commitment and finding a permanent partner to create a family are different actions in relation to a partner. It is worth first assessing your own readiness for a particular decision.
- Sometimes an affair involves you so much that you have to change your whole life, are you ready for this? In any case, it is worth initially clarifying the intentions of everyone, this will save you from unfounded claims.
If you have serious intentions regarding a partner, try to mentally fit a person into your life already in the process of getting to know each other. His habits, hobbies, opportunities. - Spend time not only in entertainment, but also in more everyday conditions, allow into your life, do not hide any problems, sooner or later they will be revealed. Trust is an important foundation.
Understanding is a complex process of identifying nested meanings. Communication is an exchange of words, but how often do people not understand each other just because they put different meanings into the same words. - If you feel that your partner understands you, this greatly facilitates the process of communication. With such a partner, you can really move on to the next stage of a serious relationship.
If you find that a person is not right for you, respect his time and feelings! Do not involve in the further development of relations, do not promise a bright future.
A promise is also a gestalt that requires completion – the fulfillment of the promised. Do not deceive yourself and others. Take responsibility for the decision.
Ending a relationship is always a difficult process, especially if you have already lived for some time together. In addition to emotional attachments, a habit appears.
You must be prepared for the fact that for some time it will be difficult for you and your partner. But if the prospect of development is not found, complete them correctly.
How to terminate a relationship with a partner?
- Dialogue is a must! In any accessible form, with respect for the partner’s feelings, explain yourself. Best of all in person, but a letter or telephone conversation is also acceptable.
- Reason works without emotion. Leave all grievances and accusations in the past. In dialogue, use an explanation of your own feelings more often, rather than the erroneous actions of your partner. Explain your intentions for the rest of your life and the reasons why you want to leave. Be sincere!
- Gratitude is an important component of completion. You probably have something to thank for, because this person appeared in your life for a reason. You spent a common time together, shared some common impressions. Be grateful for all the positive things your partner has allowed you to experience. Gratitude is giving back.
- Agreeing with the conclusions is a sign of completeness. If you manage to reach an understanding, the partner will agree with your decision. This is the best manifestation of your wisdom and persuasiveness. After such a conclusion, people very easily let go of each other and enter into new relationships, sometimes maintaining friendship.
- Don’t disappear without a trace. Number blocking, blacklisting – these are all some childish manifestations of the inability to competently complete the process. If you did everything right, showed respect for your partner’s feelings and explained everything, then your ex-partner will not cause you concern. Sometimes you can exchange information about how things are at a new stage in life. This will save you and your partner the temptation to peek into each other’s lives in secret. Be open and no one will break through the locks. Remember, they are chasing the evader.
At different stages of life, different people accompany us. Everything changes, people meet and, giving each other a piece of their soul, move on. This is a natural process of growth and development. And if you do not make mistakes in such a movement, do not leave scars in your soul and heart to others, you have a great chance that no one will hurt you in close relationships!
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Relationships are like breathing: inhale-exhale. Fresh air filled you with the ability to live on, you absorbed everything useful from this breath and exhaled the excess. Feed others, fill them with love, but don’t poison their lives with your emotional waste. Love is a movement, and it is up to you to make this movement a creative process!
Contact our company rozluchennya-onlain.com.ua and our specialist with the help of special methodological techniques, family psychotherapy techniques will help you quickly and effectively solve your problem situation of any complexity in family relationships.
Useful site materials rozluchennya-onlain.com.ua:
- Divorced fathers. Three options for the future
- Life after a breakup: work on the mistakes
- Husband left his pregnant wife: how to survive
- How to survive a divorce
- Divorce of parents: how to help a child?
- 10 reasons for divorce in modern families
- Is family therapy a scam?
- Divorce – before, during and after
