How to survive a divorce

Family lawyer in Ukraine

Skryabin Alexey Nikolaevich

Doctor of Law

Hello! In the article "How to survive a divorce" on the siterozluchennya-onlain.com.ua I will tell you how to psychologically survive a divorce.

How to survive a divorce

Divorce is hard work. Divorce – this is not a field for you to cross. Surviving a divorce is even harder.

Psychologists study divorce a lot and often from different angles, and a lot of information has already been accumulated about this.

Adding my experience of working with people going through a divorce to the research of colleagues, I made something like an instruction “How to survive a divorce.”

So, in order to survive a divorce more or less without loss, you must follow a few rules.

Save yourself some indulgence. As studies show (see, for example, here), one of the most destructive strategies in divorce is self-flagellation, self-reproach and other self-torture.

Yes, of course, each of us is involved in the current situation. But the degree of involvement is very different.

Here, let’s say, a man ignored his wife (and when he did not ignore, he allowed himself to dissolve his hands), what is his contribution to divorce? Huge, of course. More than his wife. Here is a woman who cheated on her husband and scolded him in front of everyone. What is her contribution to the divorce? The same huge. More than her husband.

Consequently, the wife from the first example and the husband from the second need not reproach themselves – they are to blame for the divorce in the smallest degree.

If the examples are not so radical, then both husband and wife are equally innocent. See next paragraph.

Don’t jump to conclusions. Divorce does not mean that you are a finished person, a worthless woman, a worthless man, or whatever else you think to yourself. Divorce is an unpleasant event, which, however, does not depend entirely on you.

Moreover, it is generally difficult to stay in a couple, and the less experience of marriages, the more difficult. Over time (by the third marriage), people usually at the very least develop conflict resolution skills, know how to get along with each other, not bend and not bend, and so on.

But all this comes, I repeat, with time. In youth, few people manage to easily and beautifully survive all sorts of problems in marriage. So just because you’re divorced doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. This most likely means that you are not yet very good at living in a marriage. You and your ex-spouse.

Go to people. Research shows that asking people for help is one of the best strategies for dealing with divorce (see, for example, here).

But here it is important not just to cry and scold fate (this is appropriate for the first two or three weeks), but specific actions – help in moving, an invitation to travel together, participation in any interesting events (at least make dumplings together).

Help from your side works just as well. When we help people, we feel better. So after a divorce, it’s very wise to volunteer somewhere – a hospice, orphanages, animal shelters, nursing homes, and so on. There you will help people and support yourself.

Don’t keep it to yourself. The strategy “I will pretend that I am holding on, that everything is fine” is extremely harmful, alas. It’s better if you allow yourself small weaknesses – cry here, feel sad here.

No one asks you for the tenacity of a tin soldier, no one – even if it seems to you differently. Of course, this does not mean that you should lie on the couch facing the wall – this is just not the most successful strategy (in general, strategies based on passivity are very dangerous, it is better to choose an active way of coping).

Look at what is happening soberly. Yes, the situation is bad. Yes, it happened. But the world did not collapse and no one died. Analyze your (specifically your) mistakes, if you can notice them. Analyze in writing, with clear conclusions in the style of “next time I will do this.” If you are unable to find and formulate conclusions, contact your loved ones.

The main thing, understand – the tragedy did not happen. There was a trouble that you will survive, there is a way out, and you will find it.

Also, useful information on the website rozluchennya-onlain.com.ua of the family lawyer Skryabin Aleksey Nikolaevich for you can be: Services of a family psychologist, Services of an interpreter, Divorce with a Spaniard, Divorce with a Czech, File a divorce for citizens of Crimea, Apostille on documents, Apostille on a court decision about divorce.

Contact our company rozluchennya-onlain.com.ua and our specialist with the help of special methodological techniques, family psychotherapy techniques will help you quickly and effectively solve your problem situation of any complexity in family relationships.

Family lawyer in Ukraine

Scriabina Daria Sergeevna

PhD in Law

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