How to survive a divorce

Как пережить развод

Family lawyer in Ukraine
Skryabin Alexey Nikolaevich
Skryabin Alexey Nikolaevich
Doctor of Law
Hello! In this article I will tell you about what advice psychologists give during a divorce.

How to survive a divorce: advice from a psychologist

How to cope with the feelings and negative emotions associated with divorce and not get sick; How to explain to a child and help him survive the separation of mom and dad will tell a practicing psychotherapist, a psychologist from Yaroslavl – Artur Kunibalov.

  • Arthur, tell us about your professional experience and what is the work of a psychologist with people who find themselves in a difficult life situation.

I am a practicing psychotherapist and psychologist. I work in the framework of cognitive and family psychotherapy, I am a supporter of the St. Petersburg School.

I am regularly contacted by people who are on the verge of a divorce or are faced with the need to go through it. The essence of my help is that a person can survive a difficult period and not get sick.

Strong experiences are dangerous for the physical and mental state. Depression, sleep disturbance, difficulty with weight can develop, and very often anemia occurs due to starvation or lack of appetite. In simple words, a person experiences an experience, but does not find a way out or resolution for them. The disease develops and a neurosis is formed.

Help of a psychologist, a lawyer in a divorce

  • What methods of assistance are used by psychologists and psychotherapists so that a person can go through a divorce most painlessly?

First of all, it is necessary to provide support to a person who is faced with the problem of divorce. My help, like any other therapy, begins with clarifying the situation. Let the person tell again what happened to him, let him experience it again, show emotions. This moment is important, because by re-experiencing the situation, a person makes it less stressful.

An important step in dealing with a crisis situation, what is a divorce, is the reaction of emotions.

Reacting emotions is the release and strengthening of their manifestation. Emotions are energy, physical and mental. A portion of such energy accumulated in a person needs to be released. Give unloading, get rid of it.

If we need to cry, then we cry. If you want to swear, then swear. The experience has to be released. It is important that there is a person nearby who is ready to listen and clarify the situation, if there is no such person, it is better to contact a psychotherapist or psychologist.

The psychotherapist will listen professionally and ask questions that would not have occurred to a person in a stressful state. In other words, a psychologist will help to switch attention, but first of all, it will help to professionally respond to emotions. If this is not done, then problems with voltage control may begin.

  • Have you had such cases in your practice?

In my practice, there are also severe cases when, in addition to standard procedures for clarifying and responding, medical treatment is required. More often, anxiety and insomnia develop, mood deteriorates and irritability occurs. In such cases, body support is needed: B vitamins, nootropics, sedatives, but the decision to take the medicine should be made by the doctor.

As a rule, the help of a psychologist comes down to providing support to a person in difficult times, letting him talk and orient himself on the spot. The latter means making life-affirming plans for the near future, but only after the main experiences fade into the background.

When experiences are strong and do not find a way out, a state of tension arises. It is like an electric current passing through the body. It’s just that the tension is constant. The level of such emotional stress can jump, and then a symptom of the disease will appear. It can turn out in another form: a jamming problem or another addiction.

Psychologist’s advice on divorce

  • What advice can you give to people who, for whatever reason, do not have the opportunity to visit a psychologist or psychotherapist. Are there any universal methods that will help you independently survive the emotional difficulties associated with divorce?

Many people face new difficulties after a divorce: how to survive a divorce with a spouse, what to live on, how to inform relatives.

All of these issues should be handled individually based on available resources. But, first of all, it is necessary to create conditions in which the brain will work fully. If it’s hard, you are tormented by thoughts of divorce, you still continue to love your husband or wife, but you still need to go through a divorce, then here are simple recommendations:

  1. Think about the person you are divorcing (spouse or wife) and answer the question: “Who is he?”, “What do you think of him?”, “What do you feel for him?” the like. These questions will help you understand yourself and find your place in a relationship. The fact is that our personality is arranged like a pyramid, which is based on relationships with loved ones. Divorce is a re-evaluation of the relationship, so it is necessary to clarify them.

For example, a woman, in order to survive a divorce from a man, needs to rethink the role of the former man in her life. There can be more than one relationship with the same person. As a person, as a person, as a former man. While she was married, the most important thing was her attitude as a husband. After the divorce, a different attitude became significant. The faster order is established in this plane (the attitude will correspond to the actual role), the faster the person will come to his senses and cope with feelings about divorce.

  1. If emotions are overcome, then you cannot suppress them, the more you show them, the faster everything will work out.
  2. If you are angry, then do not hesitate to get angry, swear, shout, tear up the newspaper. I want tears, cry, cry.
  3. After the emotions are released, think about how you will continue to live, where, with whom.
  4. Make plans and imagine how your life will change.
  5. Take action, make your dreams come true.
  6. If you need to adjust your plans.

Also, useful information on the website “Divorce Online” of the family lawyer Alexei Nikolaevich Skryabin may be for you: what is needed for a divorce, where to apply for a divorce, how to file a divorce, file a divorce through the registry office in Ukraine, divorce in court in Ukraine, jurisdiction of cases about divorce, divorce in a district court, divorce in the presence of a dispute about children, divorce with division of property in Ukraine, how to divorce a husband without his consent.

How to help a child survive the divorce of parents: recommendations from a psychologist

  • Many divorcing couples worry not only about their experiences, but also about how to explain to the child that the parents are divorcing, what advice can you give them?

If there are children, then they have the right to know that their parents are getting divorced. Knowledge of the problem reduces stress, unlike ignorance. Let the child hear what is happening. If the truth hurts, that’s better than not knowing now, but discovering the truth later, then the pain will be much greater.

С детьми важно поговорить откровенно и доверительно, рассказать, что в жизни бывают случаи, когда взрослые расходятся, но, несмотря на то, что они не будут жить вместе, они продолжат оставаться его родителями и ни в коем случае не перестанут его любить.

  • What steps can parents take to help their child get through the divorce of mom and dad?

In order to help a child survive a divorce, you must first of all have a desire to help him. Desire is the most powerful tool in the hands of a psychologist and any person, but desire alone is not enough, you still need to provide emotional contact. Children need to be understood and felt. The very technique of establishing contact is therapeutic, as it allows you to clarify all aspects of a person’s life.

It is important to remember that the helping person should not express his opinion and judgment, his role is to listen and clarify. Ask the child what is happening in his life, what has changed around him, what does he think about this? How do you feel about your parents? What do you think specifically about mom and dad? How do you feel about mom and dad? Who would he like to live with? How to communicate with each parent?

All the same questions can be addressed to anyone who is going through a divorce. It is important that, answering them, a person understands how he relates to what is happening and people. It is important that you understand what you are experiencing and find a way out of this feeling.

It happens that a husband and wife in a crisis situation that arises during a divorce experience and get hung up on their feelings, they want to help the child, but do nothing for this.

To help, you need to talk and clarify a lot, then everything will fall into place, the child will understand that they understand him, they do not leave him, this is the most important thing. Well, in no case should you impose your emotions in relation to the other parent on children, you should not forbid communicating with your father (mother).

Here is a basic algorithm for dealing with a crisis after or during a divorce. The most important thing is to know that if you cannot cope with a difficult situation on your own, then it is better to contact a specialist.

Family lawyer in Ukraine
Scriabina Daria Sergeevna
Scriabina Daria Sergeevna
PhD in Law
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Useful site materials

  1. Civil code on divorce
  2. Family code on divorce
  3. About acts of civil status in case of divorce
  4. divorce laws
  5. Marriage with minors
  6. Grounds for declaring a marriage invalid
  7. Divorce with a foreigner without his presence
  8. Certificate of divorce by court order
  9. Registration of divorce
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