Husband left his pregnant wife: how to survive
The birth of a child tests the strength of any family. Sometimes it doesn’t even come to its appearance, the union collapses at the stage of pregnancy. A woman feels betrayed, used, suddenly finds herself face to face with the frightening need to make the most serious decisions alone that will affect her whole life. Unfortunately, this turn of events is not uncommon. Is it possible to emerge from a tragic story as a winner and how?
What should I do if my husband left his pregnant wife?
Pregnancy is stressful for the body, and such a difficult life situation is double stress for you. Keep this in mind and be kind to yourself, as your reactions can be very sharp. Tears, apathy, inability to think clearly, severe mental pain, panic, insomnia, physical discomfort are completely natural in this state.
Natural, but undesirable, because inside you lives a little dear little man, to whom this can harm. You will have to become a mother not only to him, but also to yourself.
The very first thing you can do is to try to reduce the severity of your experiences without denying or minimizing their significance. Yes, you feel very bad, insulting and scared. You need to cry, share the trouble with someone who is not indifferent.
Call your doctor and ask for a safe sedative. Get a good night’s sleep, eat something tasty and, if you feel good, go out into the fresh air, take a walk or find another way to recover.
What happened is not the end of the world. Many women found themselves in a similar situation, and they all overcame it, and many even successfully. You are no worse than others and deserve a good fate for yourself and your child.
After you have exhaled and calmed down a bit, go to the people. To those who can support you in word or deed: parents, friends, relatives, acquaintances, a psychologist. Human warmth, participation, advice, experience, an unbiased view from the outside will become your support in difficult times. You are not alone.
You have an important decision to make: how to live on. It will take time and acceptance of reality. Your husband is not with you now, you should not count on him. It will return – you will think about what to do with it, but for now, rely on yourself, your capabilities and your assistants.
If you don’t feel empowered to raise a child on your own, consider having an abortion. This is your body and your life. If such an exit is unacceptable for you or you are not in a desperate situation, consider further steps in preparing for childbirth and the postpartum period. Where will you live, with whom, who will help you take care of the child, do you have money for childbirth and dowry for the baby, how will you earn, how much do you plan to be on maternity leave, are you going to get divorced and file for alimony.
Consult with experts and more experienced people. Think about what you need and what is good for you.
The most important thing that you now have to do is to take responsibility for your decisions and for the child. For all 100%. You can, because millions of single mothers and women who are raising children themselves after divorce can. This is not a shame, you are in a more respected position than a husband who has run away from responsibility. This is not offensive, because you are showing a more mature position than he is.
Why did the husband leave his pregnant wife?
The reasons may be different, let’s try to figure it out. Although not immediately, since you have primary concerns, it is important to understand the cause of the conflict in order to avoid such mistakes in the future.
- He got scared. He was not ready for the role of a father and husband supporting his wife in pregnancy. Even if he asked for a child. Not ready for the fact that your attention will now not belong undividedly to him. In addition to having to earn more, spend less time and money on entertainment. To the fact that your body and your behavior will change, and this is forever. That you will have to take care of someone else, not sleep at night, limit your life. That a child may not be born exactly as he wants, or generally unhealthy, or not from him. He failed to take responsibility and show courage.
- Just ran away, leaving you to deal with what the two of you created.
He went to another. Probably, their romance developed behind your back for some time according to all the laws of love triangles. One of the hidden meanings of triangles is the competition between wife and mistress. For some reason, you lost it. Outwardly similar, but different in essence, the situation can be in the triangle “he – you – his mother.” - He fell out of love with you. Maybe for a long time he was tired of scandals and alienation between you, the inability to agree, lack of interest, constant criticism, mood swings, excessive demands, incomprehensible prospects, a habit instead of a deep feeling, your lack of independence. Pregnancy served only as a catalyst for what was bound to happen sooner or later. Or maybe the pregnancy revealed hidden conflicts and his love quickly melted away. The result is the same – your paths diverged at the most inopportune moment.
Whatever the reason, his act showed that you were living in the illusion of a happy marriage. Falling in love did not become love, trust had nothing to rely on, affection turned out to be weak, a common life project did not bind you. What he was thinking doesn’t matter anymore. What was your role? By understanding this, you will discover a growth zone: those changes that you need to make in yourself in order for the next relationship to develop more successfully.
Is it possible to fix everything and get my husband back?
To answer this question, you should honestly decide: do you want everything to be the same again, or are you ready to re-build a relationship with the person who abandoned you and your common child.
It is unlikely that it will be possible to glue the former family life together, or rather to recreate its illusion – it is destroyed by the unequivocal act of the husband. And how can you force another person to return to where he fled from?! Force, threats, complaints, your humiliation? Think what kind of life it would be if he returned on such terms.
It is possible to build relationships anew, but under certain conditions and with at least the minimum desire of the husband. First of all, take a long enough time-out. Do not write to him, do not call and do not meet, do not go to his pages on social networks, avoid unwanted questions from mutual acquaintances, try to be distracted when obsessive thoughts about him come flooding in.
If you can’t distract yourself, make time for yourself specifically to think about your husband. For example, every day/Thursdays/three times a week from 10:00 am to 10:15 am. Do not exceed the 15-minute limit, do not set a time for thinking in the evening before bed. Be distracted by pleasant emotions and communication, things that bring you pleasure, and things that benefit your development and well-being. Live like this for at least a month.
Also, useful information on the website rozluchennya-onlain.com.ua of the family lawyer Skryabin Aleksey Nikolaevich for you can be: Services of a family psychologist, Services of an interpreter, Divorce with a Spaniard, Divorce with a Czech, File a divorce for citizens of Crimea, Apostille on documents, Apostille on a court decision about divorce.
And, as paradoxical as it sounds, do not let your husband invade your life during this period – it is vital for you to remain calm and think carefully about how to proceed.
Ask yourself: why do you need this person? What needs can you satisfy only with it? Who will help you meet these needs if it doesn’t work out? What is acceptable and unacceptable for you in intimate relationships? What kind of relationship would you like ideally with him?
The answers to these key questions will help you determine your next course of action. Sit down, divide the sheet into two halves and write down the points: what will you personally do if he returns, and what if he does not return. Be sincere with yourself and try to imagine exactly how you will fulfill your plans, how you will feel.
So, you can write that you will never quarrel with your husband. But one has only to imagine how he again does what used to make you furious, you will feel a covering wave of anger. It is better to write how exactly you will resolve such conflicts in the future.
And another paradox: do not call him back and do not try to sort things out with him. If he wants to come back, he will come himself and say so himself. The initiative will only put you in the weak position of a humiliated petitioner, or even worse, a hysterical brawler. Activity is appropriate only if you have carefully decided to file for divorce, division of property, alimony.
Accept and empathize with the fact that you will experience various and not always pleasant emotions. To the fact that sometimes you will feel very weak, offended by the whole world, desperate or seized with a thirst for revenge.
This is normal for a person in a stressful, crisis situation. Pity yourself in moderation. Do not scold or belittle yourself – just stop doing it as soon as you catch yourself in devaluing thoughts. You, like any person, have the right to make mistakes and imperfections. The black streak will end sooner or later, and your fortitude and ability to resolve life’s cataclysms will forever remain with you.
You are on the threshold of a new life. Soon you will become a mother and a truly adult person, able to take responsibility for yourself and for another. It costs a lot.
Contact our company rozluchennya-onlain.com.ua and our specialist with the help of special methodological techniques, family psychotherapy techniques will help you quickly and effectively solve your problem situation of any complexity in family relationships.
Useful site materials rozluchennya-onlain.com.ua:
- How to survive a divorce
- Divorce of parents: how to help a child?
- 10 reasons for divorce in modern families
- Is family therapy a scam?
- Divorce – before, during and after
- Divorce legal advice
- Eliminating obstacles in communicating with your child online
- Divorce from a foreigner online
- Court permission for a child to travel abroad online
