Is family therapy a scam?

Семейная психотерапия – это развод?
Family lawyer in Ukraine
Skryabin Alexey Nikolaevich
Skryabin Alexey Nikolaevich
Doctor of Law
Hello! In the article "Family Therapy - Is It a Divorce?" on the siterozluchennya-onlain.com.ua I will tell you about the role of psychotherapy in maintaining family relationships.

Is family therapy a scam?

In my opinion, the outcome of family therapy, all other things being equal, will largely be determined by the motivation of the partners. For me, there are two options for requesting family topics here:

  • One of the partners comes to therapy.
  • Both partners come to therapy.

In the first case, it is very difficult to predict the result of psychotherapy in advance. The situation is as follows: in relations between spouses there are psychological problems, most often subjectively experienced by marriage partners as dissatisfaction with the relationship. As a result, one of the partners “ripens” for therapy and one day finds himself in a psychologist’s office with a desire to explore and understand the causes of dissatisfaction with marriage and his possible contribution to this. The other partner in marriage considers himself “problemless.” He does not want / cannot even admit the very possibility of his contribution to a problematic relationship, sincerely believing that the problems are not in him, but in the partner.

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Since the family is a system, the psychotherapist has the opportunity to influence the system even when he is dealing with only one element of the system. The property of any system, including a family one, is such that when one of its elements changes, the whole system with its other components is adjusted to this change. Consequently, in order to change the entire system, sometimes it is enough to change at least one of its elements.

One of the partners attending therapy in the process of work becomes more aware, sensitive to his needs, desires, values, boundaries – that is, he begins to actively change. In such a situation, two outcomes of therapy are possible:

  • His non-therapy partner begins to pick up on these changes and changes with him. As a result of this, the family system is being rebuilt, becoming more holistic, harmonious, and stable. The family has perspective.
  • His non-therapy partner refuses to follow the changes and the system breaks down. In this case, the result of family therapy is indeed a divorce.

It is extremely difficult to predict how the partner of a person who comes to therapy will behave. It depends on a number of factors – the degree and quality of attachment, the degree of importance-value of a partner, fears of a possible separation, etc. Therefore, I would rate the result of such therapy as 50/50.

In the second case, we have, for example, the same family problems as in the first case, with the only difference that both partners are ready to accept and consider the idea of their personal contribution to unfavorable family relations. And they both go to therapy. In this case, there is a much greater likelihood that the family will be preserved as a result of therapy. By the very fact of mutual willingness to go to therapy, partners demonstrate the importance and value of these relationships for themselves and their partner.

Of course, in this case, too, we cannot guarantee the preservation of the family as a result of therapy. Sometimes in a situation of therapy it may turn out that ideas about life, family, life values are fundamentally different for spouses. In this case, the best outcome for both spouses may be their separation. Yes, and really “save” is not possible for every family.

The family psychotherapist does not at all set the goal of his work to preserve the family as some immutable value. Rather, he keeps the following question in mind: “Can these people be together and be happy at the same time?”

And even in this scenario, it is impossible to say unequivocally that “family therapy is a divorce.”

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Family lawyer in Ukraine
Scriabina Daria Sergeevna
Scriabina Daria Sergeevna
PhD in Law
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