Psychologist’s blog: when to leave in Ukraine?
Where to put the comma? Almost half of all questions to me are about this.
What to do with your “love boat”, which partially or completely crashed into everyday life, indifference, lack of money?
To summarize the problem, the “collective” client is trying to determine the possible limit of patience.
And when efforts to maintain a relationship may be deemed in vain. And also that someone “allowed” to take a step in one direction or another. And, accordingly, he took responsibility for the consequences.
Of course, there cannot be one recipe for all. Therefore, we will consider typical situations.
Love with many unknowns in Ukraine
The most common is that love is over. That is, there used to be good words and deeds, variety in sex, now everything has become commonplace and uninteresting.
In professional terms, the emotional level failed. But in the world of emotions, the laws of arithmetic don’t work. Therefore, claims to a partner look like nit-picking. Or not accuse him of kissing two times, not five. And it is certainly not worth parting because of this.
The relationship has probably moved to the next level after the romantic – stable level. They did not get worse, on the contrary – they moved away from mainly external manifestations, became deeper.
Or – not in your favorite business, it is you “cooled down”. For him, they only project their own fortune, not wanting to feel guilty.
Most likely, love for you is, first of all, vivid emotions that you experience in the presence of your “beloved” person. You may not even like her herself. Or remain unknown.
That is, you envision an ideal for yourself, under which you are trying to “fit” someone. When it turns out that he does not meet expectations (and this happens in most cases), you fall into despair. Like, again, not a prince!
This is an example of a typical childish attitude – become what I want. Therefore, adults, that is, transfer the center of attention from your own person to the world around you and perceive it with interest.
A break with one loved one and the search for another in this case will not give anything, therefore, you need to look for love, that is, the ability to enthusiastically perceive another person who is not like you, you need in yourself.
Suitcase without handle in Ukraine
It’s another matter when you notice that you are mostly rowing in a common boat. That is, you take the initiative, make decisions that are important for the family and implement them yourself. At the same time, a man, at best, agrees with everything and does not interfere.
This happens with couples in which one person continued to develop as a person during their life together.
Another thought that he had already invested enough in the relationship – in the form of himself – and calmed down.
Such a symbol can be not only a person who eternally lies on the couch, but also a woman who decided that she was realized by getting married and having offspring. In this case, the agreements can hardly be useful, since there is a clear ideological split.
The more active partner views the family only as a part, albeit significant, of their diverse world. Another perceives such an interest in life almost as a betrayal. Resentment, jealousy, misunderstanding of each other begin.
If you are the one who needs more, and you can’t change your “half”, it may be better to get out of the relationship. Because further there will be a sinusoid of boredom and a showdown that does not bring consolation. If you recognize yourself in a sacrificial figure that is always not being added, perhaps it is time to move beyond the usual circle of household chores?
Part with him or with yourself in Ukraine?
More often than not, the desire to make concessions in a relationship comes out of fear.
Women are more afraid of being left alone, of no use to anyone.
I ask: would it be better to be left without yourself?
In response to my bewilderment, I explain: if you do something that you don’t want to do for a long time, you also constantly suppress anger, irritation, resentment, and generally “forget” what it means to be content and happy.
Another fear is how you can leave or leave your children without a father.
So after all, parents are at odds, children are not divorced.
In my opinion, it is better for a child to live or meet with calm and balanced parents than to be permanently in the midst of family scandals.
Besides, if the marriage is based on the children, what will save him from divorce when they leave home?
Oddly enough, people are often afraid that half of them will be lost without them. But with such ostensible concern, as a rule, there is a poorly disguised advantage and a desire to control.
And also disrespect, distrust of another. In this case, you must immediately release your partner.
For a start – psychologically: stop doing small things, organize everyday life, remind about his deeds. Then the question – to get divorced or not – will lose its relevance.
Useful site materials rozluchennya-onlain.com.ua:
- What if the person is insulting?
- Cheating husband: advice from psychologists, it is worth forgiving
- How to survive a divorce from your husband – how to build your life further
- Fictitious divorce and its consequences in 2021
